♦ } the truth is worse than anything

[rigging]

[ It's a swirl of disjointed images and a deeply unsettled feeling in his chest when he wakes up, but when he's asleep, the dreams are vivid. Like high definition. They never make any sense, and he only has vague recollections of a deep, familiar voice, of the Hulk's roar and crashing sounds, of the visual of the Hulk running straight at him, a figure standing in the doorway with Jones curled around his legs, smoke and snakes and shadows. But he doesn't make the connection. It doesn't make sense to him - he thinks it's just his fucking subconscious screwing with him, dragging up all the bad things and slapping them together.

So when he wakes up for the third time in two days from the fucking nightmares, twisted sheets trapped him down, sweating hard and breathing frantic, he very nearly grabs the lamp on the beside table and throws it across the room. He just wants to sleep, he's so fucking frustrated.

Jesse kicks the sheets off of him and slips out of bed, heading outside, barefoot, shirtless, just... needing air. ]

Comments

[gleans]

[ Jesse waking up so suddenly wakes Galen up, as well, but not until he's already leaving the room. Galen hears him walk out the door, down the stairs, and groggily grabs for his glasses and his hoodie. Wherever Jesse's going, he hopes it isn't far.

He's almost down the stairs when he hears the front door close, so he hurries up a little, and quietly opens the front door, peers outside -- it's still kind of dark, but Galen can see him not far away. ]

Jess?

[rigging]

[ He isn't far, no, and when he hears Galen's voice, he pauses in lighting his cigarette. Fuck. He didn't mean to wake him up. But maybe it's good that he did. ]

Yeah. [ He breathes out the smoke, slowly, watching it vanish in the air. Roughly: ] Sorry. M'just smoking.

[gleans]

[ Galen slips out the door and closes it quietly behind him, then wanders over to Jesse, hands in his hoodie pockets.

He wants to ask if Jesse had a nightmare, but even saying the word to him feels uncomfortable. ]

Trouble sleeping?

[rigging]

[ He's too tired, too upset, to lie. He's tired of distance and he's tired of feeling tired. ] Yeah. [ He takes a drag, and then glances at Galen, looking the part of weary. ] Since the Hulk.

[gleans]

Mm. [ Galen edges closer, feet already getting cold, and gently plucks the cigarette from Jesse's fingers. He may have technically quit, but he still gets cravings. ] Are you and Bruce like... close at all?

[rigging]

[ He's already cold as well, but he ignores it. The shock feels good. Galen takes the cigarette and Jesse sighs, turning to wrap his arms around Galen and rest his head on Galen's shoulder. ]

... Sorta, yeah. [ Which means Jesse totally looks up to him. ] He - he's helped me. With the drugs, and with - figuring shit out. [ He presses his face against Galen's neck. ] But Bruce ain't the Hulk. Not - I mean, he is. But they're different.

[ Quietly: ] Like you n' the nightmare.

[gleans]

[ If it's bothering Jesse this much, they must be close. More than 'sorta', anyway. He wraps his free arm around Jesse and holds the cigarette away from his hair, blows the smoke in the other direction. The drugs -- he wishes he'd known.

His chest twists a little at the comparison to him, but Jesse is right. He'd just talked to Bruce about this. ]

Yeah. Just like that. [ A beat. ] I'm sorry. That that's like -- two people you care about flipping out, no wonder you can't sleep. [ He presses his nose and lips against Jesse's shoulder. ]

[rigging]

[ It isn't Galen's fault that he doesn't know, it's just that Jesse has such a hard time getting his problems out. He steals that cigarette back, closing his eyes for a minute before he turns a little to take another drag. It's cold, but this is okay. ]

Yeah. Guess so. [ He coughs a little. ] S'not - s'not that, though, I feel like. Like, if that was it, I dunno. I wouldn't be fucked up. I wouldn't be having nightmares, I can handle people flipping out.

[gleans]

Well. [ Galen chews at his lip, leaning into Jesse's warmth. The mention of nightmares reminds Galen of the ones he saw and manipulated; the nightmares of Jesse's dad, and how much that had hurt him. And then a thought sort of creeps up on him. ]

... You look up to Bruce, right? He helped you when I was gone, and I know he's like, a brilliant scientist. [ And he'll say this because he feels the same, but doesn't quite realize why, himself: ] And he's like -- comforting. Right?

[rigging]

[ He shifts a little. ] ... Yeah. He's been real fuckin' good t'me while he's been here. He cares, yeah? [ But it isn't clicking. ] Said he - he thought I'm worth something off the drugs. [ He fidgets a little as he takes a drag from his cigarette, feeling like he shouldn't say it out loud. And not to Galen, either, because Galen's said the same thing and Jesse brushed him off, but. But it's different, with Bruce.

Bruce is - he doesn't know. It's just more... official. It has more weight. ]

[gleans]

[ That... says a lot, actually. Galen pulls back a little to look at Jesse. ] So... he's like a dad. A real dad, a good one. [ He thinks he's got it, but he wants Jesse to come to the conclusion himself. ]

[rigging]

[ ... Huh. That isn't something he even caught onto at all. Jesse looks up at Galen in return, frowning. There's a long moment, and then he reaches to run his hand through his own hair and ruffle it up, blinking at the ground. ]

Well, fuck. [ He sighs out. ] Yeah. Shit. [ No wonder he's having dreams about his dad. ] Ahah, fuck me, he almost smashed me.

[gleans]

[ And there they have it. Galen sighs, lifts his head to kiss Jesse's forehead. ] I'm sorry, baby. At least you know he'd never do it on purpose, right?

[rigging]

[ He nods. ] Yeah. Yeah, I know. [ He curls up in Galen's lap tightly. ] ... S'weird to have him. Like - this, like as a figure like that. [ He's still not sure he deserves it. ]

[gleans]

[ Pff. He presses his nose against Jesse's hair. ] I'm glad you do. And it's funny, cuz like, in a weird way, he makes me think of my dad.