tried to give you warning but everyone ignores me

[rigging]

[ It's harder and harder for him to stay up as they get into the week. He has no idea how close he is to the end but after everything, after all of the dreams and awful shit he's been through, he's just done. Tired. And the only way he can get this out of his system, the only thing he wants right now is to be really fucking drunk.

Ned knows he was a drug addict. Pinkman saw him get bullied by his dad. Things he didn't want anybody to know have been on display like bright, blinking neon lights. Get drunk. Forget about it.

So he does. He's a little sneaky about it because he doesn't really want anybody to see him. He grabs his booze and leaves the house, flops out near the lighthouse, by the beach, and drinks himself into oblivion. He'll just stay here until someone calls him home. Or someone walks by, and then he'll have to pretend nothing's wrong. Like usual. ]

Comments

[onteamdyson]

I know. I know-- woah. Woah, woah, hang on. [That fragmented, stuttery sentence gets her complete attention. She wants to look him in the eye but she doesn't dare let go.]

Can't what with Galen? Who says you have a deadline on getting better? Hold up a sec. What the hell do you mean 'not getting better fast enough'? [That actually bothers her a little. Okay, it bothers her a lot. After all that Inari bullshit, Kenz knows it doesn't just get better right away, and Jesse had it a little worse than a freakin' kidnapping.]

[rigging]

[ He heaves out a little sigh, scrunching. He doesn't want to make things worse. ] Just - f-feel... feel like s'my fault. [ He exhales the words - the only reason this is coming out is because he's got alcohol in his system. He doesn't dare voice this any other time. ] Galen just wants me better n'm'trying. Been trying. Been trying for - everybody, G, Ned, Bruce. [ Muffled, defeated: ] S'not fast enough. They ain't gonna wait f-forever.

[onteamdyson]

[No no no no no. Come here, blanket burrito, stop hiding your face for a second so she can kiss you properly and wipe away your tears with her thumb and keep the other arm around you. Just stop for a sec. Look at her. Hey, look. Time for super serious Kenzi. ]

Galen wants you. Not better, just you. No matter what your head is doing. Okay? And I know you've been trying. I know. But forcing it isn't going to make you better. That shiz takes time! And you need to stop trying to be what you think everyone wants and just let yourself heal. They will just have to fucking wait or I'm gonna make them fucking wait. Not even joking. There will be significant junkpunches. [The hand on his face moves up to smooth his hair back and out of his face before resting on his cheek again. Drunken, tear stained mess and she still thinks he's the most adorable thing on the planet.]

It's not your fault. Anyone who says different can take a long walk of a short-ass pier. With sharks! Sharks in the water. Under the pier. That they are walking off of. And the sharks have lasers.

[rigging]

[ Super serious Kenzi makes a difference. She kisses him and wipes away his tears and Jesse can almost feel his lungs unlocking, easing up. He's a mess and he hates that he is, but her reassurance is a step to his tears to stop flowing so steadily.

Forcing it isn't going to make it better. It's just - hard. When he feels so much like it's his fault that people like Galen and Ned were so broken up over his death, that he affected them the way he did. But he lets out a shivery little sigh, letting his gaze fall to the ground when she pushes his hair back.

And maybe the sharks gets him to laugh, even if it's warbled and pathetic. ] Sharks with lasers. Terrifying.

[ A beat, and then he reaches to take Kenzi's hand gently, linking their fingers. ] ... S'hard - to. To think that same way. That people ain't expecting. [ He starts, heavily. ] I hear it in their words, y'know? In the sighs and just want y'betters.

The - him killing me - weren't my fault, but the shit they - you, felt, all the hurt - that is. S'just something I gotta - live with. Ahah. Live with.

[onteamdyson]

[Any laugh is a good laugh. Any break in the heavy feeling constantly weighing him down is good. Kenzi smiles, genuinely smiles, because she could give him that. She stares down at their joined hands as he talks, smile slowly turning into a frown.]

... So... what, it's your fault you're so freaking lovable that people get seriously messed up if you're not around? That's basically what you're saying. That's pretty much what happened! You were gone, worlds shattered. But you know what? You're the one that d-- ... went... through that. [Nice save. She looks up, shaking her head.] Not them. This isn't about Ned. It's not about Galen. It's not about me. This is about you and what you need. And I'm going to be there for you whether you get better or not.

[She looks back down at their hands, shrugging. Playing it cool. Just play it off.] So... fuck it. If you have to pretend everything is awesome to get them off your case, do it. But when you need to just be you... and do what you gotta do ... just promise you'll come see me. Because I get it. I get being scared and I get faking it for appearances. We can just be fucked up together.

[rigging]

[ For a while, Jesse just takes that in. Processes it. And then he brings Kenzi's hand to his chest and holds it there, tucking their linked fingers under his chin and closing his eyes. Okay. He can do that. ]

Thanks, Kenz. [ Jesse murmurs, head leaning against her shoulder. It's not that he hasn't heard this before - it's just, the way that she puts it, focuses it entirely on him... it makes him feel not quite so achy as before. He won't stop worrying about Kenzi or anybody else but the fact that she's telling him focus on you, on yourself - he can take that. ]

Love you. [ That's a little harder to say - but he's also drunk. It comes out much easier than normal, and he emphasizes it by kissing her knuckles. ]

[onteamdyson]

Anytime. [And anything. Literally anything. Kenzi can count on one hand the number of people she'd do anything for.

She rests her cheek against his head on her shoulder and tries not to outwardly freak out at the L word. It's implied, always implied, but hearing it out loud from Jesse is still a big thing and she doesn't take it for granted. The kiss eases her a bit and she sighs contentedly.]

Love you, too. Obvi. Quit hogging the blanket, dude! [Because then she can get it around both of their shoulders and then they can just sit there for a while. Maybe make a drunken sand castle. Whatever. So long as Jesse can get some peace, they don't have to go back to the house right away. It's actually pretty nice out here.]